


Rejecting Reality In Favor of Substitution

by brokenhighways



Series: Rejecting Reality [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, One Shot, based on a reality tv show, real housewives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 16:11:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen’s a washed up actor attempting to put himself back on the map, while Jared’s a former student in debt who owes money to just about...everybody. <b>Real Housewives AU</b>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rejecting Reality In Favor of Substitution

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100%  **unserious**. Thanks a lot to [](http://kerfuffling.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://kerfuffling.livejournal.com/) **kerfuffling**  for the great beta!  
> 

  
  
When Jensen's agent finally calls him after two months of nothing, he's fucking ecstatic. While he's pretty sure that the radio silence was deliberate, there's no denying his sheer relief at the prospect of work. Hell, he's almostwilling to do a damn toothpaste commercial if he has to. After the whole refusing to do Celebrity Apprentice thing (there's no way he'd have been able to stomach even an hour with _Donald Trump_ , no way), Chad Michael Murray, his agent, had stopped picking up Jensen's calls and he'd ignored his emails. Leaving Jensen to watch copious amounts of reality television on his (too) big screen, in his (too) big house because he had no other way to pass the time.  
  
Well that and it'd be harder to evict him when he was actively spending all of his time in the house, right? Jensen isn’t an expert on this stuff by any means, but what he does know is that the mortgage on this place is insane. Chad had pushed him to sell a thousand times but Jensen refuses to get rid of it. Not because he likes the house per se, but because he’d fought tooth and nail to keep it during his divorce. That was a long and messy affair that ended with his ex-wife outing him on  _Chelsea Lately_ , of all the shows, not that she'd done anything that warranted a high profile appearance in front of a studio audience.  
  
Anyway, ex-wives (because unfortunately for Jensen, he had two) aside, Chad called. The first thing he said was, "We're selling your house. No, you don't get a say in this, and yes I do have a role for you."  
  
"What's the role?" Jensen asks, because that seems like safer territory. "Is it a guest spot?" He's done a couple of those in the past couple of years, including one particularly awful episode of Two and a Half Men, but what the hell, he’d needed the pay check.  
  
"You could say that..."  
  
Jensen does not like the sound of that.  
  
Last time Chad said that, he ended up at some bridal shower where the bride-to-be called him Eric Brady constantly and tried to feel him up after she'd had five glasses of wine. It hasn't been the best of days, and he'd stressed to Chad that he would no longer accept any guest of honour invitations. Half of the people at those events didn't know who he was anyway, so he might as well save them all from the embarrassment. Plus it was just weird.  
  
"Look, I got a call from  _Bravo_ , and they're looking to start one of their Housewives shows in this area." Chad pauses as if he's waiting for Jensen to interject, but carries on when he doesn't. "But the only resident living here with any actual claim to fame is you, so they wanted to have you throw a party where all the "wives" could meet, and maybe...join the cast if you're up to it."  
  
"No," is Jensen's very terse response. No. Non. Nein. Whatever the hell no is in Japanese, just hell fucking no. He'd do Celebrity Apprentice over Fake Housewives of Fauxville any day.  
  
"It's the only offer I've had for you this month, buddy and I met your accountant for lunch the other day; it's not like you've got a lot of money in the bank." Jensen hates the fact that Chad's right. He tells him that he'll think about it and then proceeds to eat an entire bag of Cheetos.  
  
That leads to him spending an hour on the treadmill with a weight vest on, because he’s not stupid. No one’s going to watch a pudgy househusband.  
  
***  
  
Jensen caves in eventually. Well, his acquiescence is brought about after his real estate agent tells him how much work the townhouse he’s buying needs done. His stuff has already been moved into storage and Jensen's surprised to find that he doesn't really feel all that sad about moving. For all of his stubbornness about the house, he feels nothing. He at least hopes that his divorce lawyer is still enjoying the thousands of dollars that Jensen paid him.  
  
While the moving process is at work, he meets up with Chad, some producer and...the hot piece of arm candy said producer has shown up with. The guy appears to be in his late twenties, and he looks extremely bored when Jensen meets them in the outside section of some upscale restaurant in town. Jensen's been to tons of these kinds of "lunches" before and he can't say that he blames the guy. Though, he's not sure why the hot guy is here anyway. Usually producers show up with these people when they're trying to get something out of someone...oh.  
  
Right.  
  
"Jensen, this is Mark," Chad says as he sits down. "I was just telling him that you and Jared have been dating for a year, and that y'all are moving in together." Jensen chokes on his water, and then the hot guy - Jared - puts his hand on Jensen's back and rubs soothing circles and Jensen kind of just wants to disappear, into a very deep hole that he will never resurface from.  
  
A phone rings while he's regaining his breath, and suddenly Mark is making his excuses and leaving. Not before welcoming Jensen and Jared onboard to the show. Instead of being as outraged as Jensen is, Jared glances at Chad and says, "Is there a McDonald's around here, because some of these meals cost more than my car did, and I've seen the tiny sized portions that they're serving." His voice is nice, all smooth and deep, with a hint of a Texan drawl and Jensen kind of wants to listen to him talk forever. But only after they explain to him why he's suddenly got a fake boyfriend.  
  
"Look, I know that you're mad, but I had time to sit down and look at the options, and came to the conclusion that sending you in alone would only lead to tears and bloodshed," Chad says before Jensen can get up and throttle him. "So, Jared here will act as a buffer between you and the ladies and also help you with whatever you need." Jared nods, and smiles as if he thinks this is an interview and Jensen sighs.  
  
"Where did you even find this guy?" he asks. "No offence."  
  
"Oh, none taken," Jared replies with a warmer smile. "And actually, I offered to do it. Chad wanted to have a casting audition and make you judge, which I don't think would have been a good idea." Jensen laughs along with Jared, only to stop himself from rolling his eyes.  
  
"Plus, he owes me a lot of money," Chad adds. "As well as the government, his parents and probably a dozen more people."  
  
Jensen sighs, and orders himself a large drink. It's 5pm somewhere.  
  
***  
  
Two days before, he's due to host the party, Jared shows up at his townhouse with a suitcase and Chad in tow. Jensen is definitely not dressed for visitors. He's adorned in his glasses, ratty sweatpants, a faded and worn out shirt and his hair probably looks awful. Jared kind of stares at him for a moment too long before he grins and says, "You look cute." All Jensen can think is he has dimples. He ignores the fucking irritating smirk on Chad's face. Chad is pretty much Jensen's agent by default. This means that he kind of plays the role of agent, friend, and matchmaker. So basically he is a constant pain in Jensen's ass. When his acting career tanked, his real agent fucked off to god knows where, he stopped getting invites to George Clooney's (and all those other A-Listers’) parties and half of the people he'd considered friends stopped texting and calling. Well, apart from Topher Grace, but let's face it, the only movie of his that Jensen remembers is that shitty one where Josh Duhamel played the lead.  
  
Two years after Jensen's life went to shit, Chad showed up and declared that he'd put Jensen back on the map one day. At that point Jensen was too tired to argue, and here he is. Days away from doing reality television. God, what would his mother say?  
  
"This house is sweet," Jared remarks. That brings Jensen back to the suitcases. He turns to Chad, "What is this?" He waves his hand around to signify whatever the hell he means by this.  
  
Chad rolls his eyes. "Jared's moving in before filming. I told you this yesterday, but I guess you really did drink too much wine."  
  
"Did I say anything embarrassing?" Wine makes Jensen become a little stupid.  
  
Surprisingly, Jared's the one to reply. "It was your typical drunken rambling until you sang Lady Marmalade in its entirety. That sure was something."  
  
Okay, so maybe wine makes Jensen become exceptionally stupid. And now his fake boyfriend has sort of witnessed him at his sort of worst.  
  
Great.  
  
"Are you okay?" Jared sounds as if he's genuinely concerned, but Jensen hasn't really had a chance to size him up yet. Really, he's been too busy fantasizing about dimples and what Jared looks like when he's shirtless.  
  
It's highly likely that Jensen really just needs to get laid.  
  
***  
  
The camera guys show up bright and early the next morning, but Jensen sleeps through it all because he doesn’t do mornings. This is probably something he needs to convey to his dearest, fake boyfriend because Jared slides into his room at 8am and proceeds to scare the living daylights out of him.  
  
Jensen will swear to the end of time that he in fact, did not scream like a little girl.  
  
“Dude, it’s eight in the morning,” he grumbles when he’s finally calmed down. “What the hell do you want?”  
  
“Uh, a bunch of camera guys showed up,” Jared says, a little out of breath from his giggling fit. Really, a grown man giggling should be as annoying as fuck, but Jensen had only found it endearing. He’s losing it. “They said that you’re supposed to be planning the party, the one for tomorrow. They’ve got the invites done, but you need to sort out the caterers and decorations by the end of today.” Jensen vaguely remembers reading this in the contract that he’d signed, but he still sighs wearily. He’s allowed to hire a party planner; all he needs to do his oversee their decisions. Or, well, he can assign someone to oversee them on his behalf.  
  
“I’ll buy you a car if you plan this party for me,” he says to Jared.  
  
“I already have a car,” Jared says slowly. “Plus, if you go over budget it comes out of your salary. I don’t think you want me anywhere near large amounts of money. I have…problems with money.” He sounds kind of embarrassed as he speaks and Jensen sighs once again. So…not only does he have a fake-boyfriend, but said fake boyfriend is a recovering gambling addict. He’s going to fucking murder Chad. There’s a knock on the door before he can respond, and someone sticks their head in.  
  
“Can we get a quick reel of your morning chat?” he asks, motioning between him and Jared.  
  
Jensen reaches to grab his pillow (so he can smother himself), but Jared intercepts his hands and intertwines them with his own.  
  
“So, who’s coming to the party?”  
  
***  
  
The camera follows Jared to the bakery to pick a cake for the party, leaving Jensen with some time to actually look through the guest list. He’d spouted off a couple of names earlier on for the sake of the cameras but it’d occurred to him that all of the parties on this show served to have at least one guest who the host absolutely loathed or didn’t get along with.  
  
In Jensen’s case, that was both of his ex-wives. Chad’s (stupid) excuse had been that it’d make for great television to have them on the show. His last wife, Danneel was the one he didn’t really get along with, while his first wife, Tania, was a crazy woman with a chip the size of the Grand Canyon on her shoulder. They’d been married for all of six months, yet she acted as if it’d been years. Jensen supposes that he has to break the ice and call them before they actually start filming if he wants to save himself from embarrassment.  
  
“What’s up, asshole,” is how Danneel answers his call, and Jensen knows that they’ll be okay. Despite their falling out and messy divorce, they have a sort of reluctant friendship with one another. They don’t really like each other, but they did genuinely love each other once upon a time, so they exchange brief texts and messages occasionally.  
  
“How did you manage to get yourself in the red this time?” he asks, because knowing Danneel, she’s probably only doing the show for the money. She gave up on her acting career a long time ago.  
  
“I spent far too much on my Louboutin collection.”  
  
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Jensen’s not exactly in a position to gloat, but he allows himself a smile.  
  
“What about you?” she asks. “Finally realized that you’ve been spending all your money on a house that you never liked?”  
  
This is why they don’t get along.  
  
Tania has her personal assistant send him an email that simply says ‘We’ll speak at the party’, which Jensen takes to mean we’ll have a screaming match at the party’.  
  
That’s all they ever did when they were married, and he can tell that she hasn’t changed a bit.  
  
+  
  
By the end of the day, Jensen is exhausted. They’re hosting the party at his old house, because it’s huge and big and the perfect advertisement for prospective buyers. Chad suggests that he and Jared stay there until they’re done with the party, but the emptiness bothers Jensen. With most of the stuff in storage, his voice echoes loudly and the house feels bigger than usual. It no longer feels like  _home_. Jared’s exuberance wears off after so many trips back and forth and Jensen is secretly glad. Until it comes to their final scenes of the day.  
  
“Did you manage to get everything done?” Jensen asks, ignoring the blaring light that they’ve set up in his kitchen. Apparently, his light system isn’t bright enough. Jensen’s pretty sure that they’re doing this on purpose.  
  
“Why don’t you check with the planner?” Jared snaps. Jensen frowns. That line was not in the script. The script says  _have a quick conversation about the end of the day; some light making out would work here_.  
  
“Hey, are you okay?” he reaches out a hand, and rubs a soothing circle on Jared’s back, but Jared shrugs it off and stands.  
  
“I’m going to bed.” He actually rips of his microphone and stalks out of the kitchen, leaving Jensen staring after him with a bewildered look on his face.  
  
The cameraperson gives him a thumbs-up, and stops the tape.  
  
+  
  
At first, Chad doesn’t shed any light on Jared’s sudden mood swing. The tone of his voice tells Jensen that Jared’s possibly already called Chad. His suspicions are soon confirmed when Chad snaps.  
  
“Look, Jared doesn’t do star struck, or any of that celebrity worship crap; he’s doing a job. But that doesn’t mean that you get to take advantage of him. He told you that he didn’t want to be in control of the money and you spent the entire day, chatting on the phone—don’t even deny it, Jensen, I’ve seen the dailies.”  
  
“You know that I hate this shit,” Jensen whines. “I thought that he’d have fun doing it. I mean, he liked the cake buying.”  
  
“You’re an idiot.” Chad hangs up on him, leaving Jensen feeling like shit.  
  
+  
  
The next day is the day of the party, and Jensen sets himself six alarms so that he’s up and dressed by the time that Jared swings by. The camera follows him in, so Jensen ambles over towards him and gives him a chaste kiss. Jared looks surprised but he shrugs it off and frowns.  
  
“You’re up early,” he says. “I was planning on surprising you with the hose.” Jensen raises an eyebrow and chooses to ignore Jared’s words.  
  
“Look, I’m sorry that I threw you in the deep end yesterday,” he says instead. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve thrown a party this huge and I panicked.” Although the apology is intended to be sincere, Jensen can hear the clipped tone of his own voice, a direct result of the fact that there’s a camera a few feet away. Jared nods his response but remains quiet. They’re staying at Jensen’s soon to be old house, and the camera crews haven’t quite finished setting up yet, so it’s just the one camera filming them. Jensen slips the guy a fifty and tells him to get the fuck out.  
  
“I’m really sorry.” Jensen tries again; because he’s going to need chirpy and overly excited at all times Jared to get through this stupid party. “If I promise to get you some ice cream once we’re done with this whole thing will you cheer up?”  
  
“Fine,” Jared says wistfully. “Can I go now? I need to go and pick up the cake.” He’s trying to downplay his excitement but Jensen can see it shining through. A grown man getting excited over cake shouldn’t be anything but pathetic, yet Jensen finds it kind of…sweet.  
  
God, this show is messing with his head.  
  
+  
  
Danneel shows up at midday; an entire six hours before the damn party is supposed to start. Jensen’s on the phone with  _Bravo_  when she arrives, demanding to know why he has to plan this damn thing by himself but they have the gall to put him on hold. He takes a stroll around the house while he waits and stumbles upon Jared and Danneel sizing each other up. Or rather, Danneel’s sizing Jared up while he stares at her in confusion.  
  
“Come back in six hours,” Jensen says, causing Jared to turn around. He gives Jensen a look that says what is she doing here? Jensen shrugs his response. I don’t know. Danneel just watches them both silently.  
  
“I’m here to help; you always did suck at planning parties.” She turns to Jared, her gaze lingering as she carries on speaking. “I’m ex-wife numero dos, and this is…”  
  
“Boyfriend numero uno,” Jared deadpans, and Jensen’s just glad that Merida, his old cook, isn’t here to hear her mother tongue being savaged so brutally.  
  
“Jensen didn’t mention you,” Danneel says after a pause, and the awkwardness in the room goes from a three to a fifteen. Jared shifts slightly, before his customary smirk appears. Jensen’s come to recognize it as his default reaction when he’s not sure how he’s supposed to be reacting.  
  
He’s spent a lot of time looking at Jared’s face. It’s a pretty nice one.  
  
“He just told me to look your one and only chat show appearance up on YouTube,” Jared says. Jensen’s too busy gaping to pay attention to the  _Bravo_  guy taking him off hold. He’s expecting hysterics and acrylics scraping against skin but all Danneel does is laugh, and say, “Touché. Do you have any food here yet? I’m  _starving_.”  
  
Maybe he likes Danneel a little bit. Maybe.  
  
-  
  
Despite the fact that Danneel is seemingly cool with Jared, Jensen starts to worry around the T-minus two hours mark. Despite the fact that he’s now working on a stupid network, on a stupid show that’s part of a stupid franchise, Jensen does not really want to look stupid on television. He knows that there will be drama and that it’ll definitely involve Tania and set up some future events for this series, but he’s not sure how comfortable he is with the angle that they’re going for.  
  
“The whole point is that it’s supposed to be real,” Mark (the main producer) says as he sips on the champagne. Jared snorts from where he’s leaning into Jensen, and Jensen barely resists the urge to wrap his arms around him. “If this Tamara has an issue with Jared, then it has to play out in front of the cameras. We can’t just not film it, you know? You signed a contract, man.”  
  
Jensen doesn’t even bother to correct him.  
  
“Fine,” he says with a sigh. Mark gives him a sympathetic look before he walks towards one of the cameras.  
  
“What are you plotting?” Jared asks, hopping up into one of the stools in the kitchen. He starts chugging from a bottle of water and Jensen catches himself staring at the sight of Jared’s long, tan neck. He might even fantasize about biting it for a couple of seconds. Hey, he’s only human. Jared’s eyes meet his as he sets the water down and Jensen’s face flushes.  
  
“What?” Jared laughs.  
  
“You’re not going to let ex-wife numero uno yell at me, are you?” he mock pouts and Jensen’s suddenly very glad that they’re no longer pressed up against each other. “I’m very fragile, Jensen.”  
  
“Of course you are,” Jensen responds dryly. “As for what I’m plotting, you’ll just have to wait and see.” Jared shrugs and hops down off the stool with a yawn. He says that he’s going to take a nap. Jensen takes that opportunity to text Chris.  
  
J: SOS.  
  
The first reply comes in a minute after Jensen sends his and not for the first time, he wonders if Chris is psychic.  
  
C: LOL  
  
…and then,  
  
C: Wait, are we supposed to be watching Pretty Little Liars today?  
  
J: No. But it’s starting soon, and we’re watching it at your place. I had to give up my screen.  
  
C: God bless her (or his) soul, for she has provided us with a shit ton of entertaining TV.  
  
J: Anyway. That was a genuine SOS. I need your help.  
  
C: Is this to do with the party? What do you want me to do?  
  
J: For starters, make sure that no one finds out that we watch PLL. We have an image to maintain.  
  
C: Dude, I keep my seasons hidden in Fast and Furious cases.  
  
J: You have them on DVD?!  
  
C: They were on sale at Target, man. It was fate.  
  
J: We’re pathetic, aren’t we?  
  
-  
  
By six-thirty, the guests are starting to increase in numbers and Jensen’s already greeted a bunch of people that he’s never fucking seen in his life. Danneel films her entrance, and looks gorgeous while doing so and he’s glad that she and Jared seem to be getting on as she pretends to be meeting him for the first time. Chris arrives early on and takes one look at Jared and remarks that Chad knows Jensen better than he thought he had. Jensen doesn’t even pretend to know what he means by that, but Jared smiles and pats Chris on the back. More and more people file in and Jensen catches Jared looking a little flustered.  
  
“Hey are you okay?” he asks after Jared grabs a glass of champagne from a passing tray and drinks it all one go. “I know that this is all a bit overwhelming.”  
  
“I do not want your life,” Jared says testily as he eyes the crowd around him.  
  
“Well, Jared, you signed a contract, man,” Jensen does his best impression of Mark and Jared laughs so loudly that a few people look over at them. He pulls Jared into a quick hug, squeezing tightly; seconds later someone calls his name. Jared looks surprised as he lets go and Jensen smiles at him quickly before he pulls away to find whoever it is that wants him.  
  
It takes Jensen a full five minutes to realize that he actually hugged Jared. You can say a lot of things about him, but one thing Jensen is not, is a hugger. He looks up to see Jared laughing with Danneel, Chad and Chris and slowly realizes that he might be falling for his fake,  _Bravo_ -approved boyfriend.  
  
Shit.  
  
+  
  
The first thing Tania does is arrive with a wailing baby and another screaming kid and Jensen physically puts his face in the palms of his hands.  
  
“Fucking unbelievable,” he mutters as he approaches her and her husband. Or, well, ex-husband if what Chris says is true. Rich, the husband, gives Jensen a sympathetic look. Jensen really hopes that the camera caught it.  
  
“Is there anywhere that I can put them,” Tania says with a sweet smile. “Our nanny cancelled, and we couldn’t find anyone at short notice.” Rich scoffs and Jensen really, really hopes that the camera caught that too.  
  
“You can put them in your car, take them home and put them to bed,” Jensen says calmly. “Be responsible for once in your life.” The music is down, possibly off, and the voices at the party have simmered down to a low hush. Every single camera seems to be here by the front door and all Jensen can think is that this is going to be one of his last memories of this house.  
  
“As if you would know anything about responsibility!” Tania glares at him so hard that her eyes appear to be on the verge of falling out. Luckily for Jensen, he’s a decent enough actor so he remains the illusion of feeling contrite.  
  
“Just take your husband, your kids and go,” he says quietly. “If you can find someone to look after them, you’re free to come back.” There are footsteps in the distance as Jensen finishes talking and he looks up to see Jared and Danneel emerging from the main room, with matching looks of concern on their faces.  
  
“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Tania says. “Maybe you should sort out your own life before you butt into mine.”  
  
“Please, your life is broadcast to us all daily via Twitter and that bizarre Facebook page of yours.” Danneel gives Jensen a little wink, before she steps forward, closer to Tania. Jensen feels rather than hears Jared’s presence beside him and he’s grateful for it. Dramatization or not, he doesn’t enjoy arguing with Tania. Especially not when she has two children clinging to her and he can see how tired she looks underneath her make-up. A flurry of gasps sound in the room. Jensen looks up to see Tania is holding an empty wine glass. Danneel’s got a wet (and very red) patch on her white, rented Valentino dress and Rich is holding onto a sobbing baby and toddler.  
  
“Tania, Tan, you’re being ridiculous, come on let’s go,” Rich pleads, managing to inject some genuine emotion into his voice even though he mostly looks nonplussed.  
  
“You go,” she says in a steely tone. “I’ll see you at home.”  
  
D: Don’t say I don’t do anything for you, bitch.  
  
J: Thanks.  
  
J: Also, what’s with the insults?  
  
D: You broke my heart. Just let me have this. :P  
  
J: Sigh, if I must.  
  
D: Btw, Chris spilled about your little obsession with PLL. Wait til I tell your sister!  
  
J: Fuck.  
  
After a few minutes of texting, Jensen’s called away again to play host. The drama settles down for the most part, well, apart from this one guy with wandering hands who spends a good ten minutes harassing Jared before Jensen swoops in and rescues him. Jensen gets a long, drawn out kiss for his troubles and judging by the way his heart literally bangs into his ribcage violently for the next few minutes, this fake relationship is going to bring him nothing but trouble.  
  
Jensen finds that he doesn’t mind so much.  
  
+  
  
It’s past midnight when Jensen realizes that he hasn’t heard or seen Tania for a good half an hour. Last he saw of her, she’d passed out and Jared had carried her up to one of the bedrooms. If it’s true about her and Rich divorcing then Jensen kind of feels sorry for her kids. Back when they were getting divorced, she’d get drunk and trash everything – including Jensen’s face, which was his money maker, so he’d had no choice but to physically leave her. She’d called him a couple of times in the weeks after, begging him to stop her from going through with the divorce, one last plea. He’d listened to the voicemail and deleted it, because that was how he dealt with things. Ignore, ignore, ignore and then bury it.  
  
Jensen shakes himself out of memory lane, deciding that it’s time he find Jared and start winding this party down before he crazier guests start doing lines of coke in his bathroom or something. _Bravo_  runs a pretty tight ship, but there’s always one crazy cokehead at these parties, and one’s all it takes to get all of their asses busted. He heads upstairs and checks the rooms, finally stopping at the one furthest away from the staircase. Jensen pauses by the door, and he realizes that Tania and Jared are talking.  
  
“It’s been eight years, but every time I see him I just…get so mad,” Tania murmurs. “Don’t get me started on my replacement.” Jared laughs at that, in that special way of his. She joins in too and Jensen leans on the wall by the door and just listens.  
  
“She wasn’t your replacement; he just fell in love with someone else.”  
  
“He told me that he’d never been in love with her.”  
  
“Oh…” Jared sounds disappointed, which strikes Jensen as odd. “I’m sure he didn’t string her along on purpose.”  
  
“The same way I’m sure she didn’t out him to everyone on purpose,” Tania says. “She sure as hell wasn’t drunk during that interview; that was probably her best acting job ever.”  
  
“She was angry, it’s understandable.”  
  
“It’s not,” Tania argues. “He told her something in confidence, and she went and told everybody. I would never have done that, and yet I’m the crazy one? She’s lucky that I didn’t deck her.” Jensen’s heard enough, so he pushes off the wall and takes a few steps back and enters the room.  
  
“We’re going to start winding down the party, Jared. I’m gonna need your help throwing everyone out,” he says. Jared nods, and with a small smile aimed in Jensen’s direction he leaves the room.  
  
“I miss us being friends,” Jensen says when Jared’s loud footfalls fade out.  
  
“No you don’t,” Tania replies, and she leaves.  
  
Of course, that’s when all hell breaks loose.  
  
+  
  
The sound of glass smashing drags Jensen out of the daze he’d drifted into and he practically skids out of the bedroom, and down the stairs, coming face to face with the sight of Tania trying to rip out Danneel’s hair. Jared’s right there, trying to pull them apart and he gets clobbered in the face with someone’s shoe. Jensen sees red.  
  
“Both of you out,” he yells as he marches up to them and drags Jared out from in between them. Chris appears next to him, grim expression painted on his face. He grabs a hold of Danneel and Jensen tells Jared to wait for him while he grabs Tania. Together, he and Chris lead them outside and Jensen tells them not to bother calling him. Danneel tries to apologize, but Tania is relentless. She stalks off without so much as a word as she barks orders down her phone.  
  
By time Jensen’s gotten all of the guests out, he’s not sure what the hell even happened.  
  
+  
  
The next morning, Jared pads into his room, signalling the arrival of the camera. The editors are going to use the footage they have to put the pilot together and then they’ll wait to see if their ordered to series. They’re a bit late for the fall schedule, so it’ll most likely be a midseason show if it’s picked up. Mark wants a little segment for the end of the pilot, just Jared and Jensen reflecting on the party. Apparently they’re doing one for the other potential cast members too but Jensen’s starting to get the impression that they’re going to want him as the main focus.  
  
Jared sits on the side of the bed, while Jensen remains inside, and Jensen leans over and brushes his fingertips against the purple bruise under Jared’s right eye. Jared hisses softly and Jensen pulls his hand back.  
  
“You owe me ice cream,” Jared grumbles, though there’s not real heat to his tone. If anything, Jared looks like he’s about to start smiling again.  
  
“Dude, aren’t you pissed or something?”  
  
“Nah, I mean it wasn’t your fault,” Jared shrugs. “If I’m going to be a part of your life, it means taking in all of it, ex-wives and all. I’m ready for all of that.” Jared sounds so genuine that for a moment, Jensen forgets that this isn’t real. That Jared’s just playing a role. It hits him again seconds later, like a wave crashing back down into the sea and he exhales softly. “Thank you.” Jared smiles at him, and the camera guy tells them that it’s a wrap.  
  
~  
  
Playing the waiting game is no fun. It never has been and it never will be. Jensen’s surprised at how much he wants the stupid show to be picked up, if only so it will give him a genuine reason to spend time with Jared. Well, more time with Jared, because somehow he and Chad had gotten wind of his and Chris’s standing date with Pretty Little Liars and now it was a weekly thing for them all, at least until the show went on hiatus. Things are going by slowly up until one evening when his doorbell goes off at around ten in the evening. Jensen frowns as he extracts himself from his couch gingerly and goes to see who it is. He’s not expecting anybody.  
  
It's Chad and he's holding a stack of papers and a bottle of champagne!  
  
"We've been picked up!" he crows loudly and lets himself in. Jensen pulls a face as he yells for Chad to take his shoes off.  
  
He’s going to be an actual reality television star. Really, what’s his mother going to say?  
  
+  
  
Filming doesn't start for another month or so, and Jensen is busy dealing with the sale of his house and a new business venture. According to Chad, while he's on the show to revive his acting career, a bankable investment will be good for his finances. His illustrious accountant also agrees, and they work on getting Jared on a fast track personal trainer course so that he has a role to play. Speaking of Jared, things seem to be building up with Jensen and him. They flirt more and more, hang out, introduce each other to their friends and Jensen sometimes forgets. He forgets that they're not real, forgets that there's a chance that one day this "relationship" might unravel and leave Jensen in a crumbled heap on the floor. Not literally, because Jensen doesn't really partake in dramatics.  
  
Unfortunately for him, things come to a head days before filming is due to begin. Jared storms into the townhouse and disappears before Jensen can call out to him. Jensen's not sure what Jared's deal is; as far as he knows Jared's got the whole gambling thing under control and he's started paying off some of his debts. With a sigh, Jensen sets down the newspaper he'd been flipping through and heads upstairs to talk to Jared. He glances at the relatively bare walls as he passes by and wonders if Jared will come with him to pick up some abstract paintings or something. At the moment, it still kind of feels like he's living in a hotel where he has to do his own laundry and call for his own takeout when Jared doesn’t want to cook.  
  
Jared calls it laziness, but Jensen likes to refer to it as task management.  
  
Jared’s punching numbers into his phone angrily when Jensen steps into his room, and it takes him a while to spot him. When he does, he rolls his eyes.  
  
“God, don’t knock or anything,” he says.  
  
“Well, it is my house…” Jensen trails off, the joke not seeming as funny as it had in his head.  
  
“Did you ever call Tania or Danneel?”  
  
Now that’s out of the blue.  
  
“I’ve spoken to Danneel, in order to say thank you,” Jensen says, only remembering then that Jared doesn’t know that Chris’ intervention had led to the fight. It was probably all real on Tania’s side, and she of course had said all of that crap to Jared. “You do realize that Tania made all of that shit up? I didn’t discuss Danneel with her, and the whole outing thing is dead news. It’s old.”  
  
“Why would she make all of that stuff up?” Jared asks, and Jensen walks over to the bed and sits next to him. “It seemed sincere to me.”  
  
“That’s because you’re you, and she’s a…I don’t know, a pathological liar.”  
  
“She cares though,” Jared says and Jensen can sense that there’s a missing piece of the puzzle here.  
  
He frowns and asks, “Did she put you up to this?” An array of emotions appears on Jared’s face before finally a blank mask settles above them.  
  
“Actually, I called her.” He says so matter-of-factly that Jensen ends up staring at him dumbly for a few moments. “I just wanted to see if she was being honest about what she said about you the night of the party. Before you came up – I know that you heard some – she said some stuff, tried to warn me about you.”  
  
“What did she say?” Jensen tries to keep his anger out of his tone, but Jared’s expression tells him that he’s failed.  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” Jared says wearily. “Can you go now? I’m tired.”  
  
+  
  
He meets Chris for lunch a couple of days later and isn’t surprised to see Chad there. The two of them seem to have hit it off, much to Jensen and Jared’s chagrin. Jensen still hasn’t figured out which one of them switched out his moisturizer with mayonnaise. The camera guys hover around them, while people in the restaurant glance over to find out what’s going on. None of them seem to recognize Jensen, a fact that makes him very happy.  
  
“According to Chad, you’ve broken Jared, and you need to put him back together again,” Chris says as he sips his beer. Chad glares at Jensen silently.  
  
“He just came home a few days ago in a mood, and he’s been like that ever since,” Jensen says defensively. He’s tried talking to Jared, tried buying him ice cream, cooking him dinner but Jared just retreats to his room and stays there. Short of forcing the guy to talk to him there isn’t really much that Jensen can do.  
  
“We should follow him,” Chad says. “Become private eyes for a day.”  
  
“That or the first episodes will be about whether or not Jared and Jensen will be a couple, and then they’ll drag it out over the course of the season,” Chris adds unhelpfully.  
  
“Guys, come on, what if there’s something seriously wrong with him,” Jensen says. “It’s not a fucking joking matter.” Neither Chad nor Chris respond at first, but then Chad pulls his wallet out and slips a fifty to Chris, who proceeds to cackle gleefully.  
  
Before Jensen can ask what is going on, his phone rings. It’s Jared.  
  
+  
  
“You know, paying off all of Jared’s debts kind of defeats the whole purpose of him working to pay them off,” Chad says one evening, when they’re at some charity dinner. Jared is noticeably absent, and judging by the texts Jensen’s been getting throughout the night – currently on the run from on Chad Michael Murray. “Plus, you gave him a blank check. A. Blank. Check. You don’t have money to throw away, Jensen!”  
  
“He was never going to pay back a hundred grand plus whatever interest that jackass casino jerk was adding on,” Jensen replies tersely. “I’m not sure why you didn’t help him out yourself; I know you’re good for it.”  
  
“I guess I didn’t help out because I’m not  _in love with him_.”  
  
“That’s not why I did it,” Jensen says quickly. “He’s not the first person whose debt I’ve paid off, and I’m sure he won’t be the last. What if he’d done something stupid? And I’ve seen what  _Bravo_ is paying him; it’s fucking peanuts.”  
  
“What exactly did he call you for the day when we were at lunch?” Chad asks, momentarily distracted by a woman waving at him from across the room. “He’s been avoiding my calls.”  
  
“He was outside a bar, trying to convince himself not to take part in a high stakes poker game.”  
  
“God, he’s  _awful_  at poker.”  
  
Jensen sighs, “Hence why I paid them all off. I’d rather not wake up to find my fake boyfriend battered into a bloody pulp while I’m in the middle of trying to revive my career.”  
  
“Wait a minute, what jackass casino jerk?”  
  
“The one Jared presumably owed money to?”  
  
“He owed money to debt collectors, his parents, me and….more people that I never want to know about.”  
  
“I mean, that’s what a gambling addiction does to someone…right?” Chad looks confused.  
  
“Is that what he told you?” Chad asks. “Or is this another ridiculous conclusion that you’ve come to?”  
  
“What do you mean by _another?_ ”  
  
“Never mind,” Chad says with a long suffering sigh. “Jared’s a…he gets a lot of crazy ideas that mostly involve making money. Usually we can talk him out of anything crazy but a couple of years ago he bought a restaurant.”  
  
“What happened to it?”  
  
“It got shut down after three weeks,” Chad says. “Leaving him with a hefty bill and a shit ton of loans he needed to pay back.”  
  
“Huh,” Jensen says slowly. “Do you think he’ll agree to become my cook for free? I had to stop eating takeout all the time, and I’m tired of eating salads.”  
  
Chad steps on his foot in response. Jensen sends him the cleaning bill for his shoes. Chad sends it back the next day with a note that says  _get Jared to clean them._  
  
Jensen hates Chad.  
  
+  
  
Of course, Chad’s right. Paying them off had been a bit of a gamble, but Jensen couldn’t really handle the withdrawn, sad Jared that had been traipsing around his house. That wasn’t the Jared that he’d fallen in lov—  
  
Fuck.  
  
+  
  
It turns out that Jared decides to take the personal training course seriously, and the first couple of days of filming consist mostly of Jensen walking around his house having fake conversations on the phone as Jared sits at the table, surrounded by a ridiculous amount of paper.  
  
At the end of the day, the producer plays back some of the footage and asks them questions. Usually, the housewife (or house person, in Jensen’s case, because he loathes the term househusband) does this part of the show on their own, but Jensen makes it clear that he wants Jared with him at all times.  
  
“The course is…it’s interesting, I mean, I used to coach a basketball team and I obviously know a thing or two about training, but learning new things is always exciting. It also keeps Jensen off my back and stops me from spending his money all day long. What? Oh, no, Jensen’s in charge of the layout and décor of the gym. We’d end up with a horrible mixture of fuchsia and magenta if I did any of that.”  
  
Never has Jensen been more thankful over Jared’s penchant for not shutting the fuck up, ever.  
  
He molds his face into a mock-frown, “I can’t even get a word in edgeways. It’s as if he’s my official spokesperson.”  
  
“You love it,” Jared says as he shoves Jensen playfully and laughs, making sure his eyes crinkle as just looks at Jensen in the deep, brain melting way of his.  
  
He jerks off later that night, with Jared’s name on the tip of his tongue. He’s so screwed.  
  
+  
  
They film their segments for the opening sequence and Jensen’s only request is that they don’t end up holding peaches or oranges or…any fruit at all. Of course they have to comply with _Bravo_ ’s rules and Mark simply replies with “LOL!” when Jensen suggests that they all hold dollar bills.  
  
They end up holding cantaloupes, and Jensen decides to quote The Hangover as part of his opening line.  
  
 _I’m not a guy who lives beyond my means. I’m the kind of guy who refuses to eat fuckin’ cantaloupe at bachelor party._  
  
By the time Mark realizes, it’s far, far too late. Jensen hopes that  _Warner Bros._  ask him for a ridiculous amount of money.  
  
Of course Mark retaliates by leaking the opening, and shaky footage of Jensen actually eating cantaloupe at a bachelor party.  
  
+  
  
A month after the show airs, Jared bursts into his room, laptop held in his hands. His hair’s a mess, and he’s fucking shirtless, with a pair of loose sweatpants on. Jensen’s mouth goes dry.  
  
“Man, you have got to see this!”  
  
Jensen sends him away after three minutes, certain that he never wants to know anything about them being referred to as “J-Squared”.  
  
+  
  
The cast travels to Vancouver to  _bond_ , and for some reason the script calls for Jensen to make out with Jared in a Jacuzzi. Jensen says no, because he knows exactly how the producers will edit it.  
  
When Danneel drunkenly suggests that they play  _Seven Minutes in Heaven_  and shoves him and Jared into a walk-in closet (where cameras just happen to be situated), he wishes that he’d just gone with the Jacuzzi scene instead.  
  
Luckily for him, Jared makes it worthwhile.  
  
+  
  
They kiss sometimes, before the cameras arrive and after they go. It’s almost as though they’ve both fallen into a habit, and half a hard time forgetting that it’s game over once the cameras are gone.  
  
Jensen can’t say that he minds too much.  
  
+  
  
Ironically, his most homoerotic moment with Jared is unscripted and completely random. Or well, depending on the amount of ice cold Diet Cokes, Jensen had consumed that day, it is a caffeine-induced moment of insanity.  
  
They’re assisting with the painting of the gym, because Jensen can’t oversee this shit for three days when they can get it all done it two. The lead decorator doesn’t look impressed. (In Jensen’s mind, the word impressed appears as impre$$ed.) Jensen and Jared are given the office to paint, and they do half of it within a couple of hours, both of them sweaty and tired despite all of the caffeine they’ve had.  
  
He’s not sure who starts the argument, but they begin to mock-critique the others painting skills and Jensen remarks that Jared’s probably the kind of guy who ignored the black lines in coloring books. Jared laughs and then proceeds to throw his paint brush at Jensen. Jensen retaliates and Jared throws his second brush at him.  
  
Soon they’re both covered in paint and possibly high on fumes, and Jared kisses him moments before the camera guy starts clearing his throat. Jensen smears paint on the camera and tells him stop filming. The camera guy gives him a dirty look and grumbles something about  _overpaid jackasses_.  
  
Jensen gets a text from Mark later on that says ‘ _STOP VIOLATING YOUR CONTRACT!’_ He deletes it instantly.  
  
+  
  
By the time the pre-production of the finale rolls around, Jensen is fucking tired., Tired of being called up to do interviews, tired of having to spend any time with Tania and the other cast members (except for Chris, Danneel and Jared of course). They spend hours locked up in the meeting room at some conference center hashing out the finale “script”. The only decision they seem to come to is some drama with Chris and this asshole producer that screwed him over. As compelling as that sounds, it’s not really enough to make a two-hour finale sound interesting.  
  
“What about a break up?” Tania says, as if they haven’t all already been bored to tears with her divorce storyline. Jensen rolls his eyes at her, ignoring the smirk she sends him in return.  
  
“Between who?” Mark says.  
  
“Jared and Jensen.” Every eye at the table turns to look at Jensen. Jared’s not at the meeting, he’s not required to be because he’s not a regular cast member. Plus, at this point they all know that Jared’s not really dating Jensen. Now that Jensen has his own established fan base and exposure he needed, he doesn’t really need Jared, right?  
  
“But we’re a fan favorite,” Jensen says. “We’re the most popular characters on the show.”  
  
“Your modesty kills me, Jenny,” Chris says from beside him, with laughter in his eyes. Jensen whacks him on the arm. They all know that it’s true.  
  
“I like it,” Mark says as he toys with his phone. “Will you be breaking up for real, or will we need to script something that means he can come back next season?” Jensen’s about to answer with script something but then he thinks about how his feelings for Jared remain unrequited. Thinks about how crushed he’d been when Jared had dated this chick for two weeks, how he’d watch Jared kiss her on his porch, from his bedroom window. There’s no way that Jensen will get over Jared if the man is constantly in his space. Plus, it’s been a year; Jared’s more than fulfilled his contractual obligations.  
  
It’s time for Jensen to let him go.  
  
“For real,” he answers eventually, not seeing the triumphant look on Tania’s face and the unimpressed one of Danneel’s face.  
  
+  
  
Jared was the one to spill the beans about their fake relationship to Tania and by proxy, the rest of the cast that didn’t already know. For some reason that Jensen will never understand, his fake boyfriend befriended the ex-wife that hates Jensen’s guts. Jared claimed that Tania was just misunderstood; apparently they had bonded during their gym sessions. Jensen was livid when Jared admitted that he’d told her, because he knew that she’d never let it go.  
  
When Jensen tells Jared that they have to break up, Jared has the fucking nerve to look sad. Jensen doesn’t speak to him for two days.  
  
+  
  
The tension during the filming of the finale is palpable and very real. Chris and Danneel are walking around Jensen on eggshells; even Jared – who seriously never shuts the fuck up - doesn’t say much. The finale is taking place at Tania’s beach house in Malibu. It’s her birthday, according to Jared, who produces a large gift, that’s obviously wrapped by him if the haphazard layers of scotch tape are anything to go by. Jensen laughs when an assistant takes it from him and demands that they have a professional wrap it.  
  
Jensen decides to stick to water throughout the night, but Jared grabs some pink, fruit thing with a straw sticking out of it.  
  
“They said that they’d double my fee if I became friends with Tania, said that it’d improve the entertainment value of the show,” Jared says while they’re sitting outside, blanketed by a swarm of party guests. It takes Jensen a couple of minutes to comprehend what Jared’s saying.  
  
“So you’re not really friends?” Jared shakes his head and then shrugs. “All that stuff about her being misunderstood?”  
  
“Scripted,” Jared replies. “All she does is bitch about you, even when her husband is around. It’s kind of annoying.”  
  
“Okay…” Jensen says, not really grasping why Jared has chosen this moment to tell him. They’re supposed to breaking up tonight, now is not the time for heartfelt words. “Why tell me this now?”  
  
“Because, I don’t want to lie to you anymore,” Jared says. “Also, Danneel has been threatening to stab me with her stilettos if I don’t tell you how I feel.”  
  
“Feel about what?” Jensen can see a few cameras in the distance, circling around Tania as she talks to guests. They all seem to be giving him and Jared a wide berth for now.  
  
“How I feel about you…I don’t like you—wait, of course I like you, but not just as a friend,” Jared fumbles with his words, blushing slightly. Jensen just stares at him. “I want what we have to be real.”  
  
“It took you long enough,” Jensen says after a long, long lapse in their conversation. Jared’s breaks out into a huge grin.  
  
Of course, that’s when Tania shows up and throws wine in Jared’s face.  
  
+  
  
Over the course of the series, Jensen’s avoided any major arguments. Mostly he’s “argued” with Jared before ending the scene with some making out, because Mark thinks that he and Jared light up the screen. Which is TV-speak for appeal to the correct demographic that we’re targeting. Jensen usually plays mediator – usually between Tania and Danneel, and on one occasion, Tania and Chris. Mark doesn’t really like it, but he agrees that it goes with Jensen’s laidback persona. If Jensen really thinks about it, he’d see that losing his cool is exactly what the producers want in the finale.  
  
He isn’t thinking, too busy caught up in the whole holy crap Jared wants to be with me too thing. So as Jared stands there wiping away wine with the cuff of his thousand dollar suit, Jensen turns on Tania and launches into a foul-mouthed tirade. Tania doesn’t just stand there and take it, she just screams back at him, and it feels a lot like the conversation they never had during their divorce.  
  
Speaking of divorces….as Jensen pauses for breath, a man in a suit (flanked by Tania’s husband Rich) approaches them with a big, manila envelope in his hands.  
  
“Tania Shaw, you’ve been served…”  
  
It takes Tania twenty minutes to kick everyone out of her house.  
  
+  
  
Later that night he and Jared have a longer discussion about where they stand and Jared gives him a crumpled check for fifty thousand dollars. Jensen stares at it for a couple of moments before asking where Jared why he didn’t cash it in and pay off his debt.  
  
“I’m not broke,” Jared says reluctantly. “We made that up to make you seem more interesting on the show.”  
  
“How did having a broke boyfriend make me seem more interesting?” Jensen asks, not sure how to react to this.  
  
“No offence but all you do is sit around, watching TV, waiting for Chad to call you and tell you that you’ve not been offered any jobs,” Jared says. “Which is fine, I’m not your mom, and you’re not some deadbeat father who can’t afford do that—“  
  
“—Gee, thanks,” Jensen cuts in and Jared glares at him a little and asks, “Wait…so, you’re not pissed?” Jensen thinks about it. He doesn’t really know what’s true and what isn’t.  
  
“Chad said that you bought a restaurant,” he says. “And that you owed money to debt collectors, the student loans assholes, and your parents. Is any of that true?”  
  
“I own the restaurant that we met in,” Jared says, as if he’s just announced that he has brown hair.  
  
“And yet you claimed that you’d rather eat at McDonald’s?”  
  
“My ex-girlfriend runs the place, so yeah I would,” Jared shrugs. “I can’t even pronounce half of the shit on the menu.”  
  
“So…I’m not really your sugar daddy?” Jensen pouts.  
  
“I’m not even going to answer that.”  
  
“What about the chick you dated? I saw you kiss her on the porch.”  
  
“That was my sister,” Jared says in an outraged tone. “She was here to visit for a few weeks. I didn’t tell her about the show.”  
  
“Okay, fine,” Jensen says. “And the whole personal instructor course?”  
  
“I did that for real,” Jared says. “ _Bravo_  made me.”  
  
“Which brings me to my last question,” Jensen replies. “Why on earth did you agree to be my fake boyfriend?”  
  
“I’ve always wanted to be on TV?” Jared sounds as though his actual answer is I don’t even know so Jensen lets it go, and Jared proceeds to distract him with his tongue.  
  
Jensen should probably be pissed about being deceived so easily by Jared, Chad and Chris – who had apparently known about the entire thing, but Jared’s hot and into him.  
  
He can worry about the details later.  
  
+  
  
Even though the finale’s over, they still have to do all the commentary. That’s kind of hard to focus on when they happen on the aforementioned couch. Jensen’s sure that his shirt collar is probably ruffled, and Jared’s hair looks pretty messed up but they manage to sober up for half an hour.  
  
“So why exactly did Tania throw the wine at you?” Mark asks Jared, who’s sitting next to Jensen. He’s just played back the scene, and Jensen’s aghast at how awful it is.  
  
“I ended our friendship the day of her party,” Jared says slowly. “I didn’t want to have to pick between her and Jensen, but she made me chose, and she didn’t like my choice in the end.”  
  
“Throwing wine in someone’s face is classless,” Jensen says when a question is put forward to him. “But I’m kind of disappointed in myself for airing out our dirty laundry like that. It was never what this was about. I thought that us hanging out would lead to us clearing our differences, but apparently not.”  
  
+  
  
 _The Reunion_  
  
By the time the reunion rolls around, Jensen and Jared have been together for a month and a half and Jensen feels as though he’s spent half of that time undoing all the shit that Tania has caused. Jared likes him, Jensen can tell, but occasionally he’ll bring up something Tania has said, Jensen will get mad, leading to Jared being upset and then to them both being upset. Even though Jared had mostly been playing a version of himself on the show, it takes a while to make Jared to fully realize the extent to which Tania was trying to manipulate him.  
  
Luckily for him, Jensen’s happy to accept a ridiculous amount of blowjobs in concession.  
  
The Reunion is awkward in the sense that most of the questions are aimed at Tania. Danneel, Chris and the other contestants Mike and Tom sit there with forced, polite smiles on their faces. Mike and Tom haven’t really fully integrated with the rest of them because they’d only joined in the last couple of episodes. Apparently watching Danneel struggle to sell her giant shoe collection wasn’t really that exciting.  
  
The host Andy turns to Jensen eventually and asks, “Do you have any unresolved issues with Tania? We saw in the clip that you seemed kind of wistful about how the season’s panned out. Is there anything that you want to say to her?”  
  
Jensen’s answer is a very succinct “Nope.” She glares at him from her spot on the couch.  
  
Andy has another question for him after that, one about Jared.  
  
“Wendy from Seattle says, ‘Is it true that you and Jared aren’t really dating, and that you paid him to play the role of your boyfriend?’” Tania’s smirk is back.  
  
“Well,” Jensen draws the word out, stopping to make it look as though he’s actually considering his answer. “People can say what they want, but hell; sometimes I have trouble convincing myself. With someone like Jared, every moment seems like a perfect dream that I never want to wake up from.”  
  
Approximately two seconds pass before Chris and Danneel start tittering from their respective places on the couch. Even Andy looks incredibly amused.  
  
The reunion taping passes by with a lot more arguing and fighting as well as some footage that they haven’t seen before, and Jensen is absolutely exhausted by the end of it. Jared’s waiting for him in the dressing room with a bored look on his face.  
  
“I had to do boring tax paperwork today,” he says. “I want ice cream.”  
  
“For the gym or the restaurant?” Jensen asks. The second that he’d found out that Jared actually knew about business and all of that crap, he’d directed his business manager to send all the gym related papers to Jared. Jensen knows his limits, and has always had a lifelong fear of numbers.  
  
“For the restaurant,” Jared says with a pout.  
  
“Oh,” Jensen says blankly. “That still sounds less torturous than spending three hours with Tania.”  
  
“She keeps tweeting unflattering pictures of me,” Jared says wistfully. “Chad says that I should sue.”  
  
+  
  
It’s two weeks later and Jensen’s at the beach with Jared, relaxing and catching some rays. It feels good to be able to leave the townhouse without cameras following them around everywhere.  
  
Despite the fact that Jared isn’t broke after all, he still hasn’t moved out and Jensen hasn’t mentioned anything about him living at the townhouse. But what Jensen still doesn’t understand is why Jared would agree to do the show when he doesn’t need money or isn’t in showbiz.  
  
“Chad tends to use speakerphone a lot,” Jared says when Jensen brings it up. “I used to overhear a lot of your conversations.”  
  
“Okay…” Jensen says, not really understanding what that has to do with anything.  
  
“And it was just kind of hilarious to listen to you snarking while Chad was pitching some awful roles at you,” Jared replies. “Some actors would just take whatever, but you always stood your ground and said no if you wanted. Your Donald Trump rant was a thing of beauty.”  
  
“Most people would record that shit and put it on YouTube,” Jensen says. “Not agree to be my fake boyfriend on some crappy reality TV show.”  
  
“Hey, less of the crappy,” Jared says with a grin. “We averaged six million viewers per episode over the course of the season. We’re a fan favourite! Besides…I don’t think a recording of you bashing Donald Trump would even make the front page of TMZ.”  
  
Jared’s still grinning even when throws sand at him.  
  
“Anyway,” Jared says, as his eyes go soft. “I liked you just from those phone calls and when Chad starting saying that he’d cast your boyfriend, I decided to save you from murdering Chad when he inevitably showed up with someone terrible.”  
  
“That and you’ve always wanted to on TV, right?” Jensen says. Jared laughs and shakes his head fondly before leaning back in his deck chair and closing his eyes. Jensen could say more. He could thank Jared for saving him, start making out with him right there, he could tell Jared that he loves him, but he won’t  
  
He knows that Jared gets it. Jared gets him, and really, that’s all that Jensen wants.  
  
 _ **Fin.**_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
